Michael Gove has many talents. One of them is annoying
people. A lot. He is a pompous ass with astonishing self-confidence and this
inflames a lot of people: students, teachers…in fact the entire public – myself
included.
On one specific occasion, I remember when I felt burning
hatred in the deep and dark corners of my soul for Gove. Having just returned
home from the prison called school, brain and body exhausted from a long 7
hours of learning, I sat down to watch the day’s events on Sky News when the
face of evil popped up on the screen. His idea is for schools to have a 10 hour
day, because students need to “build character and instil grit”. This
suggestion comes after education professionals say students need short days in
order to process the incoming information. Teachers are already overworked and
work unpaid overtime, as much as £7 billion per year!
As a matter of fact, at Teachers’ Union Conferences many teachers
expressed their feelings: and they were they harsh! Sarah Caffrey, at the
National Union of Teachers’ conference in Torquay, said that he was an ‘evil
entity who hovers around and seems to think we’re doing such an excellent job
we should be working longer and longer hours for less and less pay’. I mean
evil is a strong word, but I think it is perfectly fitting for Gove.
But, it is not only teachers who see red when they hear of Satan’s
representative on Earth - it’s the younger generations too. I wouldn’t be
surprised if his offspring were a part of the ‘I HATE GOVE SOCIETY’, for it’s
his children who will be affected by his reforms.
It was in June 2013, when it was revealed that Michael Gove
was making yet more reforms. These reforms will see students study whole
Shakespeare plays as standards in Maths and Science being strengthened. I bet
the students in KS3 are looking forward to 2015 when the qualifications will be
introduced but especially to the summer of 2017 when the first gruelling exams
will take place.
It’s safe to say that these reforms are the most radical
changes since Sir Keith Joseph scrapping O-levels and introducing GCSEs in
1984.
The new plans include replacing the A*-G grading system with
a 1-8 scale (unnecessary); abolishing module tests and having exams at the end
of the course (lazy and stressful); cutting coursework and curtailing re-sits
(no chance to improve); limiting the number of subjects with tiers aimed at
higher and lower abilities (some students need challenging not everyone can do
the same thing). The Devil’s sidekick is basically re-introducing O-levels; you
know the ones that were scrapped because they did not stretch the able and the
average. I mean, they were scrapped for a reason so why bring them back? Kids
usually ask older siblings or relatives for advice as they have already been in
their position but now, the first year of students to undergo this examination
will have no one to turn to and will have to work twice as hard to adapt to the
new examination style and material which will cause yet more stress and more
problems.
More recently, Satan’s spawn has found yet another ‘problem’
that he needs to fix. Misbehaviour is highly frowned upon at school and
students are well aware of the consequences: detention, writing lines, negative
conduct points missing break time etc. But Gove decided that this wasn't befitting
for him and wants to resort to old-fashioned means of punishment by forcing
badly behaved children to do community service at their school, e.g scraping
gum off of tables or picking up litter. He would rather punish small, scared
and snivelling children than get help for their behaviour. If the students are
going to act like the new caretakers, what will happen to the existing ones?
Great plans you've got there, Mike.
But – there are still reasons to like him. Because of him there
is a great sense of community in our schools, boroughs and hate clubs as we all
have something in common: we hate Michael Gove.
Now he is officially NOT the Education Secretary let us celebrate by laughing at this highly amusing gif of him falling over. Please enjoy.
Bex
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